Seriously, why hasn’t nature perfected a more efficient baby extraction method? Maybe a zip? Or as a friend suggested, grow the baby in a pod in a greenhouse. Slightly Matrix-esque but a hell of a lot more efficient!

When I was expecting baby number one I had a wonderful ‘what will be will be’ attitude towards the birth, as long as baby was healthy then I was very happy to go with the flow. Then came a 36hr labour with back to back baby ending in full extraction team armed with forceps and extensive remodelling of the down below area, followed by three weeks of infections and not being able to sit down for six weeks. Joy of joy.

Honestly I think I could handle the labour again even if this little one is back to back too, I’d just ask for an epidural literally the moment I arrive instead of waiting over 30hrs (seriously, what was I thinking?!).

What scares the be-jesus out of me is the thought of the recovery + toddler. Dealing with the sheer immobility that I was faced with post birth when also faced with carrying/changing/manhandling a very wriggly two year old who is well and truly in the swing of terrible twos and who often requires removal from the path of oncoming traffic whilst mid-tantrum.

Then again, loads of people manage and then go on to have more children so there must be a way of coping or do they all just confine the toddler to a (lockable?) room with Peppa Pig on repeat and a never ending supply of snacks and drinks? I’m seriously considering this. Something else that I’ve seriously been considering is asking for an elective c-section. I know I know, it’s major surgery but at least it’s on your tummy and not your nether regions. This is the level of freak-out that I’ve reached, I’ll literally consider anything.

Anyone have a similar first birth and have a totally dreamy second birth? Pleeeeeeeease say this is the case. It’ll just fly out with no adverse effects to the surrounding area right? 😉